My Lover
by AnimeXMusica
Summary: In a twist of fate, Shuichi finds Yuki in Touma's arms. He writes a song, feeling better, he reads it over...and realizes that it is probably the best song he ever wrote, leading to the darkest love he's ever had. R
1. Shattered Hope

**Title: **Twisted Gravity

**Author: **AnimeXMusica

**Category: **Anime/Gravitation

**Genre: **Romance/Drama, but there will be some humor, don't fret. This IS Gravitation! Ofcourse there will be humor!

**Rated: **T (PG-13) at the moment

**Pairing(s): **Hm, I'm trying to make this solely YukixShuichi but I already have some ShuichixRyuichi and some YukixTouma... So it seems, hm, not going to give anything away! Hehehe, I'm so evil, I'm so evil! YAY

**Summary: **Shuichi has come back from a long tour with his band Bad Luck and is dying to see his lover, Romance novelist Eiri Yuki, but when he rounds the corner, what he sees makes him re-think this plan, Yuki is in the arms of a smirking Touma, about to kiss him. What Shuu doesn't know, will hurt him. The story is basically…ok, so I have no idea of what I'm going to do after the first few chapters, I'm just in a writing mood ok? I know, you just love it don't you?

**Warning! **This fan fiction is yaoi meaning guys with other guys. So, if you don't like that, please don't review bashing me about it! Also, sorry if it sucks, tell me what I can do to make it more interesting if you think it's boring and whatnot!

**Reader Notes:** Let me know if the OOC bothers you, because for parts of the story, Shuichi WILL be OOC so I can make this work, although…I for one, LOVE his bouncy happy-happy fun sense of…Shuichi-ness but this is my story. Nya! So there. Oh and, in this story Touma is NOT married, just cause if he was, I would have to spend more time explaining shit. Also, I am not a Touma hater, after writing this first chapter, I think it makes me look like I want Touma to die or something, I have nothing against the guy, really… Except he sometimes creeps me out with his 'All-The-Time-Smiling' thing he has going on. Oh well…

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own Gravitation in ANY way, sadly. If I did, we would have seen them go all the way instead of them ending it with us hanging! Grr to you Right Stuf! -.- Anyways…

**Intro Chapter (Means it's Extra Short M'kay?): Dark Emotions Tremble**

For the past 3 weeks, I have been touring with Bad Luck in America! It has been very interesting to see the reactions of foreign fans. I'm glad we are expanding so that we're not just known in Japan but everywhere! Even so… I have been dying to see Yuki! He hasn't picked up his phone much, and when he does he is usually very tired or pissed off that I called him while he's in the middle of brainstorming for his latest novel. So, I let Hiro know that I wasn't going to be going back with everyone else to our welcome back party, I was going to surprise Yuki and ask him to make dinner with me, since, well he is a wonderful cook, and if I tried to make something by myself I would feel bad making him eat it. slumps downward

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I can almost see the light of his apartment, only a few more steps to go! But, what I saw next…Touma was standing deathly close to Yuki with his hands wrapped around the mans waist and Yuki's head was tilted towards Touma, they were about to kiss! I kept watching because… my body couldn't move, even if I wanted to, I was stuck there. Further and further. Touma and Yuki had been kissing for what seemed like forever. And the look on Yuki's face didn't show any annoyance, anger or fear. He looked…happy...peaceful.. but WHY it just isn't fair! No...no…no… "WHY? YUKIIIIIIIIIII!" They stopped kissing. Touma turned his head, but no! No, I ran and ran, farther away from that sight; my vision was getting blurry as I felt the hot tears streaming down my face. _I just…wanted to see him. It that too much. Maybe I should have called? No...no…even if I HAD called…nnhg WHY YUKI? Don't you love me? Why are you with Touma..maybe a misunderstanding? Just when my mind stopped racing, I felt a hand on my back and then flashing lights…_

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I opened my eyes, realization hitting me of what I had seen the other night, wait…I was running, then what- "Hey, your awake. I thought you would never get up after being hit so hard by that car you ran into…" _nnhg, car? You've got to be kidding me! This sucks…what a way for Yuki to see me, how un-romantic…heh if that was my only thing to worry about right now…_ "Why were you running so fast, I couldn't catch up with you." "Hmph, …" _Looking away, I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to say that I had seen him with Touma, no…_ "So, you saw Yuki and I, didn't you Mr. Shindou?" _Wai-what? Wasn't I just.._ "Yuki? … Mr. Seguchi? Touma?" "Yes, that's right, I'm not Yuki, and I told Eiri to go home since he wasn't feeling well. And he kept mumbling and was getting worried about you. I followed you until I saw the car heading towards you. I know what your thinking but how can you expect someone like Eiri to stay with someone like you, Shuichi. You make him sick. He needs someone who is stable, who doesn't nag him and who isn't so ill-tempered. I'm sure you can understand that. "What the hell! Touma… why did you! Doesn't he.. But..."You're not making any sense Shuu-chan." _I grimaced when I heard him call me that. What the fuck? Only Yuki can call me that. I was ready to yell, but he didn't stop talking, so I bit my tongue and balled my hands._ "If you know what's best for you, you won't bother Eiri Yuki anymore, remember, I am your producer, if something happens that I don't like, I can always… get rid of Bad Luck. Make the media hate you, drop you like a rock…" He was smirking now and it was killing me, because it was true. I couldn't just say, 'Fuck You, I quit then!' because, that would be selfish. What about Hiro and Suguru? They don't deserve that, after working so hard. So… I breathed deep and looked Touma straight in the eyes. "Just YOU don't hurt him, if you do, then he is MINE." "Hmph, so there it is then, if I hurt Yuki, he is yours. But, don't be expecting me to do something like that, Shindou." Hiro and Suguru walked in, probably from all the noise we were making… "Hmm, Anyways! You better slap a smile on your face and get out of this slump your in, nothing happened. Now. You need to go home and make yourself some tea, then write a song, we still don't have a track 13 to release Bad Lucks new CD with. I will see you later Mr. Shindou." _What a fake.I looked at Hiro, showing him my face. He knew I wasn't feeling well. So, he didn't bother asking me about going out or anything. So… this is it huh? What a lousy thing to happen, why does it have to be this way? But, I WILL get MY Yuki back, no matter what it takes. But for now… everything hurts…_

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I slowly dragged my feet down the road. Longing to just curl up in my bed and disappear. _But, this would mean… Going home, not the home that I share with my beloved Yuki. Hm… 'My' Yuki? Is he- Yes! Of course…He will always be_ I shook my head and suddenly realized that I was standing in front of Yuki's apartment. I walked a few steps back so that I was near the alley wall, slumped down and hung my head. It was getting colder and I was so hungry. "YUKIIIII!" I found my journal and pencil and decided that I would write, since either way, I was going to be needing a song for tomorrow, to present to Touma, to him.

_I'm breaking my own heart_

_by letting everyone_

_capture the ripples of my essence_

_The smile on your lips_

_Pushed the tears_

_To the back of my head_

_As I lay my hands across you at night_

_Knowing your love_

_Is a façade_

_Only friendship_

_You give to me_

_Knowing that you love_

_Someone else_

_Hurts me so_

_I run my nails_

_Over my skin at night_

_But it will never numb_

_The feelings I cannot bury_

_You lay there still_

_Right next to me_

_But yet so far apart_

_I can hear your steady heart beat_

_The rise and fall of your chest_

_But it is all_

_So far away_

_When I saw you that day_

_Your eyes shining like_

_Sunrise after rain_

_I wanted to_

_Scream and rip out_

_The emotions I felt for_

_Slumped against the wall_

_On the other side of it all_

_Why do I need you so much?_

_That it hurts to breathe_

_The world is blurry_

_I am forever crying_

_When you told me goodbye_

_That day, I wasn't able to_

_Cry, because baby all my tears were gone_

_I am empty just waiting_

_Just waiting for your return_

_To be your lover_

_To be your toy, I just need to hear_

_You say my name_

_I see you only now on the TV_

_The headlines of the Times_

_Such a bright life_

_Everything you always wanted_

_I am just trying to_

_Let you go_

_Just a little bit longer baby_

_And this pain will stop_

_The liquor burning through my body_

_The flashing lights_

_Of New York_

_Normal day, normal life_

_I see you_

_You walk right past me_

_And I hear your footsteps_

_Halt and I can feel your gaze_

_On my back_

_So I turn to look at you and I see_

_Your tears_

_You want me now_

_For me to hold_

_Love and tell you_

_It's all ok_

_But I can't do that baby_

_Even though I still love you so_

_The only thing I can do_

_Is close my eyes and go_

_Walk away, like you did me_

_But my feet won't move_

_It isn't fair_

_You did this_

_Without a care_

_To me, I cried_

_For now and forever_

_While you were_

_Screwing your boyfriend_

_Your bodies tremble_

_I stare right through you_

_You still are_

_The same_

_Looking for guidance_

_Look, I've lost this game_

_I feel your heartbeat_

_Against mine_

_Your tears seeping through my clothes_

_Breaking down_

_I wrap my arms_

_Around you tightly_

_When you then say_

_Come to my wedding_

_To spite me_

_Was it?_

_At that moment_

_All I felt was anger_

_As I saw his blood_

_On the floor_

_Small little drops_

_Of tears_

_And the questioning look_

_In his eyes_

_As I felt his body_

_Slump against my own_

_Then I woke up_

_And it was all a Nightmare_

_That was wavering_

_To come true_

_So today my friend_

_I will propose to you_

I read it over, and felt just a tiny bit better, thinking that just maybe, I would have a chance, of Yuki praising me… Just maybe, that would make him re-think his actions.

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On the ride over to NG, I was extremely fidgety, I couldn't sit still. "Hey man, what's bugging you, you look like a rock just hit you in the face. Hm, does Yuki have anything to do with this?" "Hiro!" I jumped; I was so out of it I almost forgot there were other people besides me in the van. "Dummy, did you forget where you were or something. Look, I don't know what's eating at you, and maybe it's Yuki but, we have a big day ahead of us and you need to brighten up." Through the corner of my eye I could see Hiro's hand fumbling through his jacket pockets. "Here it is!" I tilted my head and- "POCKY! I love you Hiro! You always know how to cheer me up!" He laughed at me but hey, it's okay right…I can pretend that the small things, my friends do for me distract me enough, so that I feel okay about the way my life is right now. I always have found a way.

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Somehow, I pulled myself together, and I'm pretty sure, it was because, I know I have friends who care for me, even if, they don't always understand me. "Now, to get down to business. Shindou, did you write new lyrics? For the last track, number 13?" I turned my head only to see Touma, face like a clean slate, void of any emotion. "Yes Mr. Seguchi." When I handed him the lyrics I felt his cold rough hands brush against mine. It gave me the chills. After about 30 minutes of waiting around. Touma walked in with a broad smile on his face. He was coming closer, and closer until I felt his lips brush against my ear. "Beautiful Lyrics Shindou, probably your best song yet, I'm sure Eiri would praise you for this." I felt disgusted and at the same time highly motivated, maybe it was that he said Yuki would be happy with my lyrics, but… at the same time, every time I tried calling Yuki last night, he didn't pick up his phone, and I wasn't able to hear his voice, telling me, that it was all ok, and that I didn't really see him and Touma together, and that it was just an illusion, something I made up. But, even if I had been able to get Yuki on the phone, what would I have said, I just…don't want to accept reality I guess. Maybe I'll go see Ryuichi, he has always cheered me up whenever I am in a down and teary mood. Soooooo, I grabbed my cell and dialed his number.

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"Hey Shuichi its Ryu!" "I know that, I was the one who called…" "You sound sad Shuu, want to come over and help me bake a cake?" "What?" "Welllll, you see hehe, I kind of sort of volunteered to help out with my nieces wedding! How about it Shuu?" "Why not." I felt a smile creeping its way upon my face, as I hung up the phone and made my way over to Ryu's place. This feels ok, I'm ok, I feel fine. The door flung open the instant my feet touched the door step. "SHUIIIICHIIII!" I felt Ryuichi's arms wrap around my lanky self. "Are you ok Shuu?" I nodded suddenly feeling depressed again, reminded of what just recently happened to me. "Come inside ok? There's no use just standing outside my door you know." I walked inside and felt myself entranced onto the walls, glistening with awards, pictures and autographs of other famous musicians. Even though, this wasn't my first time here, it was still un-believable… I felt a hand slink around my waist and another slide up the back of my shirt as I was turned around and pulled into a kiss. "Nnhg.. Ryu…" I returned the favor and slid my tongue across his lips making him open his mouth a little as I deepened the kiss and pushed him against the wall, I felt him getting completely turned on by this. He grabbed my inner thigh and pushed me down onto the floor. He fell on top of me, kissing me from my fore head down to my lips and across to my ear. He whispered to me. "Shuu, you can't keep coming to me… When, this happens. You know I have feelings for you, that aren't just lust. I truly love you Shuu. So why tease me so much Shuu-chan?" I saw tears forming in his eyes. I knew all along, that this was a terrible thing for me to do, but I didn't exactly have an alternative. I laid my head on his chest and listened to his heart beat for a few minutes. "Ryu… I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry." He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms even tighter around me. "I know. I just want the sparkly Shuichi, to come back, even if I can't have you for myself." His voice was almost un-audible, but the closeness of our bodies made it easy to make out his words. He was asleep. I closed my eyes and soon felt myself fall into a long awaited sleep. Thank you, Ryu.

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**My little extra stuff:** Hokay, soooooooo How much did it suck? It's ok, you can tell me the truth! HAHA, wow it's like 5:45 AM I need some sleep man! It will be longer, this is just the Intro Chapter! Anyways, please, please, please R&R. I want to write more, but the only way I will be inspired to do so, is if people give me feedback. Please & thank you! Oh and… I was thinking on using some Japanese words, but, I can see myself using way too many, so that people may not understand what I am talking about, since I am actually learning Japanese in school, and not just through anime and all of that. So, hm. Also, as of now I don't have a Beta, I kind of need one.. HAH. So, anyone want to help me out? Sorry for any grammatical errors and whatnot, I just am not in the mood to fix stuff when I am this tired. Nya, so deal! Love ya, Livvie.


	2. Pleading Emotions

**Title: **Pleading Emotions, ok so, in intro chapter one, I wrote: 'Twisted Gravity' which is NOT the title to my story, but was the original name to my Intro chapter!

**Author: **AnimeXMusica

**Category: **Anime/Gravitation

**Genre: **Romance/Drama

**Rated: **T (PG-13) I don't know when this will change, but there is a slight chance it will. I just am afraid of my 'lemon writing skills'. They suck! YAY…hahaha…no seriously _Walks Off_

**Pairing(s): **Welllll, my main plan was to do a YukixShuichi since that is one of my favorite things to read, but certain recent fanfics I've read and a few reviewers' opinions have swayed my mind to think about RyuxShuu more, and that definitely shows in this chapter! Lol, so I hope people don't hate me for changing the main pairing like that! Since it's not like their was any ShuuxYuki fluff to begin with in my story! There will be lots of…fluffy angst I guess you could call it in this next chapter that your hopefully, about to read!

**Warning!** This is a yaoi fic, so if you are offended by guysxguys, then please leave. I really would like to avoid flaming for THAT reason. Please and Thank You!

**Reader Notes: **Intro Chapter One had more errors than I thought it had. Example: You're a lot of times was supposed to be 'you're'. Also, in the beginning when I wrote 'slumps downward' I had no idea that the star things I put would disappear! I guess I was just in role play mode, haha! Terrific… Well, since I still have no beta, let's pray for no big spelling errors, shall we? As you can all probably tell, this story is being written in Shuichi's perspective…most of the time _shifty eyes_!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gravitation. If I did, you would probably all want to throw rotten vegetables at me because… I'm a slacker and it would never have been finished it even though it's only 13 episode long! Has anyone else notices, a lot of yaoi is 13 episodes, Gravitation, LOVELESS, Sukisyo…hm, wonder why…Anyways! On with the next chapter!

**Chapter Two: Pleading Emotions**

I awoke to a bright light sparkling upon my eyes, and the feeling of a cold floor and warm hands loosely holding me around the waist. "Nnhg." _Oh, that's right_, _I was with Ryuichi, we were kissing, and then, all of the sudden, I felt so tired. I guess all of the stress with Yuki and Touma got to me. Wait… Yuki… YUKI!_ _Ugh, now I have that to deal with, don't I? _"Shuu-chan? Are you ok? Mmm, you woke me up." "Sorry, Ryu…um." "It's fine, I'll go make something to eat for us, it's not quite 6:00 AM yet, but I think we both fell asleep quite early, so I guess that will be ok. Breakfast I mean." _I felt myself turning red. I hadn't really intended on falling asleep, why didn't Ryuichi move me away, why did he stay with me on the floor of all places? "Shuu, you can't keep coming to me… When, this happens. You know I have feelings for you, that aren't just lust. I truly love you Shuu. So why tease me so much Shuu-chan?" Why Ryu...why. You're making this all so hard. I am so confused. I love Yuki, I can't love you. That's impossible, right?_

"Shuu-chan! Food!" I looked up to see Ryuichi, donned with an apron and a kitty hat, holding a tray of strawberry muffins. I melted. "RYUUUUU!" I glomped him (for those who don't know what glomping is, it's like a hug, but more dramatic, with a running start and it's much more fun xD I found out what it was at Otakon, an anime con, very recently, I'm still sore LOL) "Strawberry! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Ryu…why did you stay on the floor with me all night long? You could have at least gone over and slept on the couch. I'm sorry." I looked down, but I felt slender fingers pulling my chin up. "Shuu-chan, now why would I leave you? You were definitely not in any state to find yourself alone in the morning, so please don't be sorry, alright?" He let go of my chin and turned around to grab a muffin. Breaking off a piece of the warm strawberry pastry, Ryu slid his finger inside my mouth. I was shocked and licked his finger clean of any stickiness, then I tilted my head. _Why is this feeling so natural, why do I feel so comfortable with him?_

"Shuichi, your all sparkly aren't you!" I blushed. He was being so sweet, even after I coldly brushed him away last night. I didn't say anything back to him, when he made the remark that he loved me. And that was a rather big thing. _I already knew he liked me, but love? Is he for real?_ "Your spacing out Shuu!" He stuck another piece of the muffin in my mouth and slid his lower half closer to mine, draping one of his legs over my left hip, he put his hands on either side of me, he was now straddling me, inching his face closer, like he was about to kiss me. His breath was dancing softly onto my skin. "You didn't answer me last night. I know your confused right now. But, will you at least think about what I said. I don't need a reply right now, but...Shuu, I don't want to wait forever." Then his eyes flowed downwards towards the floor. He moved his leg back to his own space and started to get up. But I pulled onto the back of his shirt so he wouldn't walk away. "Ryu…right now, I don't know what to do." I shifted my eyes to the side. "I love Yuki but, Touma, he…I just am very confused right now. I don't know 'what' I feel! I just want...I just want" I broke down, there were now tears falling freely down my eyes, past my cheeks. I felt Ryu's presence envelop me into a warm place to just, fade away.

"I'm sorry Shuu-chan; I didn't mean to make things worse. Just, I don't want to have to see you this way. It hurts me. I'm sorry; maybe I'm just being selfish." I heard him sigh one last breath, then. His eyes returned to 'happy Ryu' form and a smile wrote its way across his girly face. "Anyways! There's no time for this now, you have to get over to NG to start recording your newest song!" He was putting on a fake smile and a cheerful voice that made me cringe. But, he wasn't the type of person to openly fall apart for a long period of time. He was happy. Usually. Just like me. Just like me huh? Maybe being with him wouldn't be such a bad thing. I _do_ love Yuki, but if he is happier with Touma, as long as he isn't being hurt, I guess, I could learn to forget. I just, need some time. Yes, time. But, do I have that time? Or is that time, now? "Beep-Beep! Car is Moving Out Shuu-chan, let's go!" Ryuichi was already in his car, engine running. I guess I had been in a thinking trance for more than I had meant to be... I grabbed my orange sweat shirt, and tied it tightly around my waist, slammed the door and ran for the car with a wide smile showing itself on my face. _It will be ok, in the end, I'm sure of it!_

In the car it was awkwardly silent. Maybe both of us didn't know whether to be 'fake happy' or get down and dirty into the truth. Which one would be better right now? Of course, by the time I had just decided to be 'happy-Shuu' we were already at NG. I saw Ryu looking at me out of the corner of my eyes. "Hang in there Shuu, you can do it! I'm sure the song will be great! I can't wait to hear it! Do you want me to pick you up when you're done?" Pick me up? Heh, I wish Yuki would do things like that for me. Ryu is so nice. Is he too good for me? Wow, I'm already thinking of things like this, it's not like we are together, is it? "Hey Shuu?" "Gyah! Sorry, it's fine! I'll just walk back, it's not that far!" "You mean to my place or Mr. Yuki's?" I felt my face slightly fall. This was getting awkward. What to say? "I have an extra toothbrush and some spare clothes, we're about the same size, you don't have to see Yuki right now if you aren't up to it. Okay Shuu?" I just nodded my head and smiled as I closed the door and started walking around the building to where the door was, took a deep breath, then let myself in.

Ryu helped me more than I thought; he calmed me down and put me into a more peaceful state. I knew this because just as I had let my presence enter through the doors, there stood Touma, propped against the banister of the staircase. "Have a nice sleep? Shuu-chan?" "Don't call me that. Only Ryu can call me that." I glared at him, disgusted. "Oh, is that so? I thought only recently you had said that only Yuki could call you that. Is there something going on that I don't know about. Have you already given up Mr. Shindou?" He was smirking and I could feel the heat slowly rise to me cheeks. Truth was though, I didn't have an answer. No matter how much I wanted something to yell back at him, to make him hurt inside, just like me. I couldn't. Because, as twisted as it was, I was in-love with two people at the same time. Is that even possible? "Heh, well, do make up your mind now, won't you? Because if you are planning on backing out and getting away from Yuki, I would like to know, as soon as possible, you can't have two amazing lovers at the same time, It's just not fair. That's playing dirty." I tried to ignore him and began my way up the stairs, although, his words were echoing in my mind as though they were said through a microphone. They wouldn't go away.

I opened my mouth and let the words flow out of me like a paper crane soaring through the sky. Gliding and ever going.

"_I'm breaking my own heart_

_by letting everyone_

_capture the ripples of my essence_

_The smile on your lips_

_Pushed the tears_

_To the back of my head"_

I think of Touma, and how he made me feel like a nothing, a nobody. I saw the face he gave me when I first saw him with Yuki. That un-deniable smirk. That, 'I win, your too easy to break apart' kind of look in his eyes.

"_As I lay my hands across you at night_

_Knowing your love_

_Is a façade_

_Only friendship_

_You give to me_

_Knowing that you love_

_Someone else_

_Hurts me so"_

I think of Ryu, and how he probably thinks of me every time I have come to him to relieve myself of Yuki's sins and coldness. Feeling so hurt and so lucky at the same time, it must be such a painful emotion. I know it well.

"_I run my nails_

_Over my skin at night_

_But it will never numb_

_The feelings I cannot bury"_

I think of my emotions as of now. Is it Yuki that I want, his fingers in motion, dancing across the keyboard, the only sound the 'tap-tap' of the keys being pushed down, a story unfolding from inside his mind? Or do I want the goofy sincere laughter of Ryuichi to echo through my mind? His remarkable way to make me feel like a million dollar boy without even trying.

The song was no where near finished, but yet I felt myself slowly falling, my form hitting the ground, and a black view displayed out in front of me.

"Shuichi? Shuichi! SHUICHI!" I heard the voice of my best friend Hiro calling my name but I didn't have the strength to reply. I felt too numb to breathe. "Shuichi, please answer me? Shuichi!"

I awoke to the smell of black coffee and expensive rugs. This was the smell of…Yuki? But, why? Why would I be with Yuki? After everything that has happened… Not that I don't want to, I just don't understand what's going on. "So Mr. Shindou, your awake. This is the second time you have fainted like that, at least to my knowledge. Am I really troubling you so much you can't stay conscious long enough to record a song?" I grimaced and opened my eyes halfway.

"Why am I here? In Yuki's apartment?" I felt his hands run up my side which made me internally shiver. "I told the your friend Mr. Nakano at the hospital that I was to take you home. He was confused by I couldn't let him refuse my offer of taking you off his hands, seeing as, he had a date with his beloved, Ayaka was it? Whatever, that doesn't really matter to me." He paused, licked his lips and cleared his throat, then opened his mouth yet again to continue. "Shuichi, I think I need to make myself clear, since obviously, you do not understand me." I pushed myself upright so that I was now facing him. "And how do you propose to do such a thing?" I frowned, why bother asking. He'll tell me anyways. "Hmm, well I don't want you to keep going to Ryu, he hasn't been singing as well in our band, it's making us look bad, and it's your fault Shindou. I told you it was between me and you, not once did I involve Mr. Sakuma in this, so neither should you." Huh, I thought he was pissed about something to do with our weird love triangle, no, rectangle. Ugh, what is this now about Nittle Grasper? About Ryuichi? "Our fans are dropping, and I am not liking it. Ryuichi is not…in his words 'sparkly' it is creating some major problems for me."

He ran his tongue over his upper lip and lowered himself, hovering over my small frame. _What the hell. Where is he going with this._ "I think, it's not ok, your band is doing fine, in fact, this new song will probably give you even more fans. You have fans and…it isn't fair that you have two beautiful famous men that are your lovers and that you claim to be in love with!" What the fuck, where is this going? I don't like it. "I want you to disappear Mr. Shindou, I want you to feel pain, to not have the easy way out." He then laughed. What the- "Mr. Seguchi, what the hell?" I then felt him collapse onto my lap and my breath hitched. I felt another person's presence in the room.

I looked up only to see Yuki and Ryu looking in horror at me and at the floor below me. I shifted my eyes to see what they were looking at with such a terrified look. A knife. A blood stained floor, and an un-conscious Touma laying on MY lap. That dirty bastard. When did he have time to do this? All planned out as it? Damn it. Damn it! DAMN IT! About a minute passed by, then Ryu hurried out and Yuki's eyes turned into ice crystals. He slapped his hand across my cheek and told me to 'get the hell out'. I felt like a walking corpse. This was lower than low. I was definitely never going to have Yuki, not after this, not after that dirty bastard tricked me. I can't even imagine what Ryu was thinking of me then. Wait, Ryu! Oh no… wait, why was he with Yuki? Hn, I shouldn't even bother wondering such things when I know Touma's agenda, and it was obvious that he planned this, and just as he said that it wasn't fair that I had two beautiful famous men as my lovers, it wasn't fair for him to win both ways and take them both away.

Leaving me with nothing but an empty hole piercing into my heart. I decided. I _had_ to find Ryuichi, he was going to listen to me, he was going to let me explain, if he loved me like he said he did, then he would listen, he would understand. Wouldn't he? I didn't even notice it, but I was already in an all out run towards his apartment.

I threw the un-locked door open only to see no one there. I looked around at the counter tops and found a ripped off discount ticket to the Shimada Club. (Haha, Shimada is the name of one of the gyms at my old school, I think it works ok. I couldn't think of anything better. LOL) So, he was planning to get drunk and slink about without even listening to me? Of course, after seeing a scene like that, he has an excuse, but still… That whole thing has gotten way out of hand! I grabbed a stick of gum and shoved it into my mouth, closed the door up and headed over to the Shimada.

It wasn't too far away from Ryu's apartment, just a lot of streets to cross. This meant a lot of cross walks to wait for. Annoying as hell. The two security guards at the door asked to see my pass. I silently cursed myself, I hadn't grabbed the other pass on the counter top, just the gum. Ugh, it sometimes pisses me off on how idiotic I can be. The guards were getting impatient, just as they were about to tell me off, I caught sight of Ryu. "Um, could you possibly just ask the man with the stuffed animal over there to come outside for a moment?" I got a raised eyebrow then a nod.

Moments later I saw a drunk version of Ryuichi walking towards me. "Heyyy, Shuu-chan, where have you been?" I am lucky he is a happy drunk, not a violent or depressed one, does this mean he doesn't remember what happened earlier? "Hi." I looked to the side. What should I say? It's not like he's going to remember anything I saw no matter in choosing my words carefully, no one would remember them by morning, so does it really matter? "Want to come inside with me?" One of the guards then turned and raised his eyebrow. But once he saw who was talking to me he turned himself back around then sighed. I am pretty sure I heard him mutter something smutty about celebrities. Whatever.

I linked my arm inside of Ryu's and let myself be taken away by the heavy base of the music and the flashing lights grazing the dance floor. Grinding his hips into mine Ryu was softly purring. The alcohol was getting to my head as well, I slowly felt myself let go. I pushed one of my hands slightly underneath Ryu's white ruffled shirt and stroked my hand back and forth across his lower stomach. He turned around so that we were now facing each other and he tilted his head and brought his lips down onto my neck, kissing down to my collarbone and sliding one of his hands underneath my waistband of my pants and pulling me so close that we molded together like legos. He was dancing me to the back of the room until I felt my back lightly tap the wall. I threw my arms around his shoulders and scooted my lower half up so that I was able to wrap my legs around his waist. His kissing was making it almost impossible to breathe and he tasted like vodka, dark chocolate and salt. Wha-salt?

I opened my eyes to see Ryu crying. He was now shaking violently and I let myself slide down from Ryu's waist. "Why…why were you with Touma, why were you doing that to him? I didn't think that someone like you would go so low after everything that has happened!" "That's right, you didn't think. I would never do such a thing. Touma set me up, wasn't it obvious?" I felt him tense. "Shuu-chan, I'm so sorry. Every_thing_, is just too much, for every_one_. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions, I'm so sorry." He was breaking down and half of it was just the alcohol getting the better of him. "Why don't we head home Ryu?" I glanced at my watch, it was 3:40 AM and I was tired as hell. "I don't really feel like sleeping on the floor again though…" I saw a flush appear onto Ryu's face and in an almost in-audible voice, the words- "You can stay with me, on my bed, I want you Shuichi-kun, and I'm not going to let you go, not tonight, tonight you are mine." Escape his lips.

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**My little extra stuff:** Bwa-ha-ha-ha! I'm evil ain't I? Yep. First of all, sorry that this isn't that long, I just knew that if I didn't end it where I did, it would be a while before I could get to another cliff-hanger, and it's already 4:20 AM and my writing tends to get more 'bleh' the later it gets into the night. Ok so, this is most definitely a RyuichixShuichi fic now. I don't think there will be any YukixShuichi, but who knows? I certainly don't! Haha xD Well, I was amazed to see that I got reviews let alone, 7! Yay! Haha, I'm sure that may not be a lot to some people, but to me, it inspired me to write more! I hope people don't stop reading because I randomly went and changed my main pairing idea! Now, to thank my reviewers!

beyond-the-grave-sango's-lover: You were my first reviewer! YAY! LOL, I hope you STILL really like my story since I changed my main pairing idea! Thanks for the review!

crzylver: I hope you liked this chapter, since I went and changed pairings. Sorry about that!

Yuki-Mizu: Thanks, I'm glad I made it enjoyable to read!

Patpat: Thanks for wishing me good luck. I hope you liked it!

Daisuke Captain Oblivious: I DID update soon didn't I? lol, I was truly overwhelmed by awesome feedback that I couldn't wait to write more! Thanks!

Steph: YAY! I JUST now realized it was you who reviewed, lol I'm an idiot, haha! Well, your in luck because this story was almost ALL about ShuichixRyuichi xD! YAY? Lol Hope everyone else is 'Yay' about it too! Haha. Thanks!

DarkMetalAngel of Destruction: I have granted your wish, RyuxShuu! Lol, hope you enjoyed chapter 2! Thanks very much for the review!


	3. EXCUSES EXCUSES!

Ok so I'm at school right now. I re-read my past two chapters and I actually am alright with them, so I'm going to write more over winter break. All of my reviewers most likely gave up on me. But I just hope I can do a good enough job writing the 3rd and maybe the 4th and 5th chapters for this story. I have no idea where it's going, so give me ideas! This is all just random crud coming from out of my dead brain cells. FUN STUFF! xD I really will listen to you. Also, I haven't been on my AOL/Mail account for a while because of being trampled on by a ton of IM's all at once, so I haven't really checked my e-mail as of late. But, my newest e-mail address is for those who want to contact me with ideas. Or, if you happen to have a myspace website, mine is: sharpiemanga. I am really excited to write more! THANK YOU+Liv!+


	4. Regretful Motions

**Title: **Pleading Emotions

**Author: **AnimeXMusica

**Category: **Anime/Gravitation

**Genre: **Romance/Drama

**Rated: **Um, this chapter just made me up my rating.

**Pairing(s): **ShuichixRyuichi, ToumaxYuki, ShuichixYuki

**Summary: **Shuichi has come back from a long tour with his band Bad Luck and is dying to see his lover, Romance novelist Eiri Yuki, but when he rounds the corner, what he sees makes him re-think this plan, Yuki is in the arms of a smirking Touma, about to kiss him. What Shuu doesn't know, will hurt him. Ryuichi wants him and now is the time to take his chance to make Shuichi his.

**Warning! **This fan fiction is yaoi meaning guys with other guys. So, if you don't like that, please don't review bashing me about it! Also, sorry if it sucks, tell me what I can do to make it more interesting if you think it's boring and whatnot!

**Reader Notes:** Let me know if the OOC bothers you, because for parts of the story, Shuichi WILL be OOC so I can make this work, although…I for one, LOVE his bouncy happy-happy fun sense of…Shuichi-ness but this is my story. Nya! So there. Oh and, in this story Touma is NOT married, just cause if he was, I would have to spend more time explaining shit. Also, I am not a Touma hater, after writing this first chapter, I think it makes me look like I want Touma to die or something, I have nothing against the guy, really… Except he sometimes creeps me out with his 'All-The-Time-Smiling' thing he has going on. Oh well… Also! I sometimes have issues doing Yuki's dialog, sorry if it's not too interesting or if it's OOC.

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own Gravitation in ANY way, if I did I would probably be in jail because I would have made an anime out of Gravitation Remix and 'forgotten' to give it a rating, hahahah!!

Now for the next chapter. TOOK ME LONG ENOUGH!!!! xD

**Chapter Three: Regretful Motions**

We weren't at home and I guess we weren't going there at all. It was so early in the morning and we were at least 10 minutes with a car, away from Ryuichi's place. I'm so freakin drunk that each floor tile is a big distance, it's pathetic really.

"Shuichi…" He softly said. I outstretched my fingers and brushed them across his head, he was sweaty and swaying while he walked.

"Ryu, I think it would be safer if we just go in here." I pointed to what looked like an empty hotel room above the bar and dance floor where we just were. Ryu tripped over me but was still holding onto my hand as he did so. I lay there, breathing heavily with Ryuichi drunkenly caressing me from above.

"Remember what I said earlier, you are mine Shuichi, just because I'm a little out of it, has nothing to do with what's going to happen tonight."

"But, it's already almost 4:00 in the morning, can't you wait, I have work early in the afternoon tomorrow." I protested not wanting this to go any further.

"I'm sure if you're a little late it won't be so bad, I know you have skipped work, just because, for no reason before."

I moved my head away from his and he rolled his tongue across my neck leaving a glistening trail behind. He pushed harder onto me while sneaking a hand up my shirt and using his other hand he trapped my wrists together above my head so I couldn't move. His tongue, tickling my stomach down to my hips, I couldn't control my head no matter how much common sense I had. I pushed my hips into him accidentally telling him that I was horny, this was so embarrassing. He flipped his finger through my belt and slid off my skin tight jeans. He had let go of my hands for now so I took my chances and grabbed a pillow, burying my face deep underneath it, muffling my slight screams and sobs from crying. I didn't want Ryuichi like this, not in this way. I wasn't even sure if I wanted him romantically, why tonight? But my body was playing along with it and taking my mind along for the ride. I felt him trying to enter me and I thrashed around digging my nails into the sides of the bed.

"Shuichi, it will only hurt more if you keep resisting." He was smirking, I could tell by the tone in his voice. He kind of reminded me of Yuki at the moment, which was a terrible thing for me to think of. Oh Yuki, I want you Yuki, I miss you Yuki.

"YUUUUUUUKIIIIIIII!!!"

Ryuichi then abruptly stopped his assault on me; going limp I started to hear sniffles coming from his lips. He soon fell on top of me after the liquor had devoured his body so much that he lost consciousness. I squeezed my body out from under his and grabbed my pants from the floor, pulling them up in one motion and sliding my belt around my waist. I ran out the door only to be hit be big drops of rain falling from the sky. It was a little bit light out as the morning approached. The traffic lights were creating pretty colors on the pavement. All I could see was 6 inches in front of me, I skidded forward as I tried to slow down, I guess I had fallen into the road because I felt a cold hard metal door slam into me and warm hands wrap around my waist pulling me into the front seat of a car.

My eyelids fluttered open saying hello to the afternoon look of the light that crept its way out of the sides of the window shades. A gasp pierced the utter silence of the room. I slowly turned my head to see golden eyes devastatingly looking into my own.

"Yuki… why am I, here?"

He stepped closer and dropped his head into my lap gripping my waist lightly with his hands, his body was shaking. Was he crying or was he really mad at me? I took my chances and followed his lead by gently taking my arms and enveloping his broad but slender form in my own. His head jerked up and his hand slapped my cheek hard.

"What the hell, I thought you were crying or something, why did you slap me you jerk?!"

"I heard what happened with Touma, stupid. I know he tricked you, where were you the past few days." He clenched his teeth and bent his head down a bit so that his bangs covered his eyes.

"Yuki, you care!"

"Don't give me that crap; it's just annoying when you're left without any explanation."

He then crushed his lips against mine tasting my tongue with his own, he leaned backwards and lingered onto me for a moment before getting up and disappearing into his work room. Damn it, why can't I think of anything to say to him, why.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes, sliding my legs off the edge of the bed, my mind wandered back to the other night. Being extremely lucky and out of no where I had basically fainted onto Yuki's car. Am I such an annoyance to him? Is that why I saw him with Touma back then, or is that just one of Touma's ideas. I don't really understand him but yet I still look up to him even after the things he has put me and Yuki through just to promote Bad Luck or whatnot. So much has happened since we joined with NG. I would have never expected any of this. I love singing from the bottom of my heart, it's my other love along side Yuki. It's one of the reasons I get up every day. It's hard to sing sometimes with all the things that go along with it though. The commercialism of it all, the huge crowds of fans throwing themselves at you, the black mailing, just everything sometimes feels like too much.

I grabbed a pop tart from the freezer, I glanced at the clock on the microwave and a volt of electric shock streamed through my body, I rammed the pop tart into the toaster and screamed in circles through the apartment throwing various items of clothes onto my body. I grabbed onto the banister and flung myself into the kitchen, grabbing my pop tart and flying out the door like a space ship. Yuki looked up and saw flames surrounding his house. He sighed and slowly got up, dragging his feet he grabbed the fire extinguisher and slipped on some shoes, he let the door creak open and casually walked around his house holding down the handle to the fire extinguisher, making it look like he had a yard of whipped cream circling his property. He rolled his eyes as his neighbor questioned him.

"I told ya those cigarettes will damn ya in the end. Hahahah."

Taking out a cigarette and lighting it he turned his head and "It's not the damn cigarettes, it's my damned boyfriend" he mumbled.

The doors of the studio flew open as I panted heavily next to Hiro, I was so freakin late.

"I'm heeeere!!"

Suguru rolled his eyes, "We've waited for an hour already, can't you ever be here on time Shindou. I hope you can stay for a whole recording; I'm not in the mood to come in again and do this all over" he scoffed.

"I'm sorry everyone, I kind of just slept in, I guess I was tired with all of last night and everything, and um well, hehe, let's go!"

Hiro raised his eyebrow at Shuichi over his last comment as Suguru just ignored it and touched his keyboard, playing it so, with skillful hands. Within a half an hour the recording was finished and they now could worry about other things like, the album cover and promotional events. All of the songs were finally done which left a few worries from people like Mr. Sakano. A loud bang at the door and K entered with papers flying out of his arms, he grabbed the tape from the recording studio and ordered Bad Luck members to follow him to Mr. Seguchi's office.

"I'm glad you're all here, I don't want to take away from the breath of air after finishing your album but, next weekend, Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper will be doing a joint concert, so be prepared. I will definitely not accept any kind of disappointment." He then took the papers K had in his arms and motioned everyone out. Shuichi slumped down on the wall outside of the office shoving his hands into his face.

"This can't be happening, all I want is to be happy and all that keeps happening to me just sucks!"

Then, taking off towards the exit, racing out onto the street he found himself on Ryuichi's doorstep.

**My Little Extra Stuff:** Sorry it's pretty short and that I haven't updated in a while. I hope it was alright. To answer a few things, say a few things or whatever, this is one of my first fan fictions, I somewhat stupidly didn't plan it at all, I don't have a BETA and it would be nice to have one, all of my ideas just come out of no where, I don't even sit and think about it, I just write. I am not discontinuing this story, trust me on that one, since I seem to be getting reviews I'm definitely going to keep going. I hope people had great times during the holidays this year! I hope to update sooner, most likely will, I feel majorly guilty for leaving people hanging. If you want to yell at me for not updating then if you have a myspace my name is 'sharpiemanga'. I don't go on AOL/AIM much because I get stamped on by like 10 people IMing me at once. Dot dot dot.

**THANKS TO MY AMAZING REVIEWERS: **

lil mutt face grl: Thank you so much, I saw your review and another one along with it and that's what inspired me to write this chapter. Thanks very much!

DarkMetalAngel of Destruction: It's probably both, I wrote it in the middle of night/early morning and if you read it around then, then obviously some things are gonna be a tad _off_. Haha!

The Oblivious Captain AnnaWell, I just did kind of put a lime, not really a lemon, in this chapter, not last chapter. Hope it was semi-satisfying, I didn't even intend to write it the way I did, oh well. xD

Patpat I'm so sorry, so sorry, so sorry! You said for me to update A.S.A.P and I took like, months. I'm terrible! Gah! Well, I hope you read this chapter. THANK YOU!!!

nanashi: Yea, I found out about the dialog thing recently from my writing class and my mom. I didn't know that before. This is my first chapter story in a long, long time and I'm only a freshman in high school so I still have a lot to learn writing wise.

Steph: Haven't talked to you in so long! Hope it's going really well with the animating thing and all. I hope it works out with Disney! Anyways, hope you read the chapter. Talk to ya soon? Maybe? I am a sucky girl, I neglect to call people including you. Please forgive me!!! xP;;

Rynn: This is a _good_ Gravitation fic? ILY THANK YOU!!! LOL, well I didn't disappear, I just went away for a while xD GOMEN!!! Hope you read the chapter!

jasLine: Sorry, wrote the last 2 chapters late at night being bored so it's bound to be a bit confusing. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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